What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
