Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
