i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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