ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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