If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
