I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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