I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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