yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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