I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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