he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
