remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You pole danced in your parka.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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