We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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