I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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