My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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