from now on my penis is your penis
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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