for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
