All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
