HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
