I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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