Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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