Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
