do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
