so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
