Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you win again, gameday.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
