Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Alive.
So much puke
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
