We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am naked and annoyed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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