i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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