Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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