i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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