i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
