I heard we made out
I love black thongs
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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