I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
