I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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