You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
