bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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