Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Im part way to drunk.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize