So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
They took my balls.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
