hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
