I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize