Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
