Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize