I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
