wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
