Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
