Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
