Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
