i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
