but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
