Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
