just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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