He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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