He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
