i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
