Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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