i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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