what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
