take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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