T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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