also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
