My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
