I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
