sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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