Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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