She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
