My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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