You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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