mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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