I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
