and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
