It's Friday. Sex?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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