dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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