Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
