If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
