it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
