sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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