goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
