She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
