She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
