Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
