it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dick very happy bro
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
